8~7~10

And when the world shatters
she wraps herself in a song,
cocooned in the music and
held in its’ anchor.

And when the shards cut deep
she rocks in its’ rhythms,
swelled on waves
of heartbeats and sound

This pain might be too big for her, but truth-melodies
will hold her heart together once more

And when she loses who she is
the tones will remind her
and keep her whole,
cherishing her in their embrace.

And when the numbness comes
it will be held at bay,
unable to penetrate
this wall of sound;

Such pain that feels too big for her, her heart
is splintered, broken.

So when the world shatters
and the shards cut deep;
when she loses herself and the numbness comes,

When this pain is too big…

She wraps herself in a song.

Smallest post ever...

Hey! I have six followers now! *grin* I feel so accomplished…

~Ro

The Tattoo Post...finally!

So here is the long-awaited Tattoo Post! (*grin* I don’t know if it’s actually long awaited by my four faithful followers, but I have definitely been waiting to post it, which totally counts.) And I am so excited that I really don’t know where to begin, which I find amusing. So! I’ll start at the beginning…

Monday morning, went to work…did produce, blah blah.
I got off early, drove to Tempe to Club Tattoo, and got lost on the way. (I really don’t like trying to read directions, even if they’re really simple, and still drive. I’m a new driver…doesn’t feel comfortable yet. Maybe I should get one of those talking GPS’s.) But, I told myself not to be discouraged, and just called the tattoo parlor to get better directions. It turned out that I was just on the wrong side of Rural and University, so after taking a little scenic side route of some random part of ASU’s campus, I managed to turn myself around and get to where I was supposed to be. So I went in, and talked to Trini, who would be doing my tattoo, and made an appointment for seven thirty. Left, went to counseling, (which is Not To Be Blogged About, so we’re moving on,) and then hung around the house til the rest of my finishing school roomies got home. We all drove down in Lady Alpha’s car, (which was a really good thing, because I was excited enough that if I had driven we probably all would’ve ended up lost again or maimed), and got there with plenty of time to spare. Jacklyn B had brought her video camera, so she was our official videographer, and Isabelle was my note-taker. I was a little nervous still, but mostly excited, since I have wanted a tattoo since I was in seventh grade or so. And then, finally Trini came out, and called me back. Isabelle went with me at first, for the all important note taking, but later she left and they all took turns popping their heads in. (You could only take one person with you) It actually turned out that I could do my own mental note taking… She did a great job taking notes, but since it wasn’t nearly as painful as I was expecting, I could just focus on what the pain felt like, and memorize it in my own head, instead of having to just tell her the descriptions while I breathed through the pain. So, if you are wondering what getting a tattoo feels like and are getting a seal-shaped tattoo, on your left inner and back ankle, done in three different shades of black and grey with a little white, this is exactly how it feels. *grin*

It didn’t hurt nearly as much as I was expecting it to. I wonder if this confirms that I have a high pain tolerance…? I guess I was expecting something really bad, a raw, sliced open feeling, or where the pain is so deep that it starts to roil in your stomach and you feel nauseous and break out in a thin sweat. Amputation-level pain. (which, I know, is waaay over the top… but I had nothing to compare it to, and that is where my head went.) But it wasn’t nearly that bad.
When he started, I listened intently to what it felt like, and was surprised. He did the outline first, and it was like a pinching/deep stinging feeling; kind of like being stung by a bee, and kind of like the way stinging nettle feels when you get it on your skin. In fact, I think stinging nettle is the closest that I would describe it as. I realize that if you’ve never experienced stinging nettle then you won’t know what I’m talking about…so here’s the best I can describe it…

Stinging nettle is a plant, related to poison ivy and poison oak. When you brush up against the leaves it immediately starts to itch/burn on the top layer of skin. Then it gets deeper, and at a much faster rate if you scratch it. The deeper pain feels like a burning/stinging feeling that reaches the second layer of skin in a sharp stabbing way. Then a rash of tiny little bumps covers the area, which seem to add to the sting.
Without the little bumps, this is what it felt like, localized on the areas he was going over with the pen. It hurt more the closer he got to my actual ankle bone, but even that wasn’t too bad; I didn’t have to focus my breathing during any of this, which I was totally expecting to have to do. Isabelle said that when he first touched the pen/needle to my skin my breathing deepened, but it was because I was listening to the pain level intently, not because I was having to regulate it. The other thing that it reminded me of was when you have a small cut, and accidentally get lemon juice in it…that sharp stinging feeling. The shading hurt just a little more than the outlining, because he rolled/filled in a circular motion, going over the skin again and again to get the different greys.
It took a lot less time than I was expecting too; I popped out of there in about twenty-thirty minutes. He put a bandage on it with some cream, and told me to stay out of the pool for two weeks. (Two weeks! I almost didn’t know what to do with myself. I swim almost every day, sometimes twice or three times…) Then he told me what kind of lotion to buy, I picked out my Club Tattoo bumper stickers (which have somehow disappeared…I think maybe I left them in Lady Alpha’s car..? I don’t know…) and pow! We left. Afterwards it felt a little sore, a tender/throbbing feeling, like when you get a second-degree burn, but that faded after a day or so. The itching set in after about three days, once the scab formed and started to flake off, and that was honestly the hardest part. But I didn’t scratch, and now (*grin* more than two weeks later…sorry…I really am trying to post more frequently…) she’s all healed. It’s all my skin now… I really love her, and as soon as I get a different picture I will post that; the first one she looks a little pink, and had some blood spots… So that’s the story… til later!
~Ro

First ever picture!

Ha! I figured out how to put a picture on my blog! I am so proud of me... So, there's not really any story behind this little bird (it's a baby magpie...I love magpies) I just wanted to see if I could get a picture to post, and I figured he was worthy of being the first. If I did have a title for him though, it would be Disgruntled Magpie. *laugh* I think it fits, and he's adorable.

Small dots, Huge potential...

I have wanted to learn Braille for a very long time, as far back as six or seventh grade. At first I figured it would be good to know because of my eye degeneration, and the possibility of actually needing it, but then it faded to just a ‘that would be really cool’ kind of thought. Last week I discovered the Braille section in the downtown library, and checked out a book, but even though it was simple, it was still too complicated for me. So this Tuesday, on my library/adventure day, I found another book, this one called ABC Bunny. I think it will be good for a couple of reasons- number one, it’s very simple writing, and two, it has the alphabet, and repetition of the letters. I’ve been practicing in bed (it’s dark, so I don’t need my eyes) but I realized that I might be going about it wrong. I was running my finger over the letters, and saying them out loud, but thinking back, that isn’t how you learn to read. Yes, you learn “A”, but when you first start to read it, you learn the letters phonetically. Instead of thinking C A T spells cat, you sound it out…cuh, aah, tuh…cat. So now I’m practicing linking the physical touch to the phonetic sounds. And tonight was my babysitting night, so while at my cousins’ house Princess Jeru and I made Braille flash cards. *grin* I am really excited about this. It took a little figuring, but I got it down to a system that makes sense. We cut index cards in half, then folded them and glued them shut for stability. Then we glued a seed bead in the top right hand corner to mark which way up was. In Braille books the page numbers are usually marked at the top right hand corner of odd pages, so this way we’ll get used to feeling for a marker in that place. And it will also help for practicing in the dark, because that way we’ll know which way to hold the card, so we’re not reading upside down or sideways. Each of the cards had the six-dot Braille cell marked with a marker for the visual memorization, and then on top of that we also glued seed beads in the proper cell places for touch memorization. All the cards have the letter written on the back as well, so if we’re practicing with someone else they can tell if we’re right or not. Princess Jeru and I are going to first memorize the alphabet by touch, and then move on from there; the goal is to be reading children’s books in six months. I totally think that’s doable, and I’m looking forward to this. How cool will it be to be able to read in the dark? Visually Braille also can double as a written code, which could be handy, and it’s a fun and challenging thing to learn anyways. I will keep an update going on this; we’ll see how it turns out. =)
~Ro

Tattoo thoughts and nachos

So the tattoo-countdown is at five days… (for those of you who don’t know, and can’t guess from the previous sentence, I am getting a tattoo.) *grin* I am really excited, and, I must admit, a little nervous as well. I’ve asked multiple people what it feels like, because I think part of the nervousness is just not knowing, but the answers I get back are disappointing. Personally I don’t think that people are descriptive enough. The usual is ‘it feels like being scratched with a needle, over and over’. Well duh. But to me that doesn’t seem to fully describe it still… Is it a sharp shooting pain? A dull throbbing? The way your knee burns if you scrape off the top layer of skin? The way acid burns, biting? Stinging, aching, nauseating, scraping…? There’s tons of words that could be used, but aren’t. The best one that I’ve heard so far is that it feels like a cat scratch. See, to me that brings it to a level that I understand. Not only the initial scratching feeling, but that stinging, puffy feeling as well. I had been talking to my friend Sparrow, who recently got a tattoo, and that was her description. Anyways… So, five days. I am going with my roomies, and Isabelle is going to be my note-taker during the process. I will sit there and be marked, and she will dutifully write down my dictation, which I will post here later. There is a deeper meaning behind it than just a seal, but only a few people know the whole story; I might add that too, or I might not. We’ll see…
That seems to be all I’ve got for now, and I have a good book and some nachos waiting for me, so toodles. Until my next post! (which, hopefully, will be sooner, rather than later… I’m trying to be more consistent…)
~Ro

Ice

I actually wrote this a while ago, but I wanted to post something else, and the entry that I am working on still isn't finished. So, here it is... I am not sure if it's finished, and I don't know what it's called yet... (and this isn't exactly how it looks either, but since I copy and pasted it, the font doesn't carry over, and outside of re-typing it, I can't figure out how to get it back to it's original font... So, the font doesn't match the words quite; just look past that...)

~

I dream of ice; and of cold waters that reflect the blue skies.
Of a land where ice floes dominate the seascape
and the sky is open and the sun warm and the wind cold.
Of deep, deep water, that is mirror bright on top
but dark, green-blue curtains underneath, clouded with glacial runoff

I dream of spots, and strong sharp teeth; of hunting through the ice ranges
splicing through the water, and of penguins.
Of a thick warm layer of blubber, and strong flippers,
and dark blue depths beneath me

Shadows dream there too,
moving with spots of white, and sharper teeth as well
and dark songs pinging off the ice bubbles,
but I dream it anyways, for the swift and cunning live long.

I dream of a rocking cradle of ice to nap on
and body warmth melting small pools beneath; of lapping waves.
Of pale sun, faded sky, and pitch black with stars and color dance above

The ice is calling, and I want to answer.
I dream of ice…

I dream of ice…

I dream of…